The morning after

Ah damn i closed my browser by accident. chewed up a really long post. @#$#@$
But it went something like this....

I'm still looking for an opera-friendly commenting system, haloscan doesn't quite cut it coz the counter doesn't seem to work.. so i won't know if there are any comments unless i actually click on it to check. Grr. if i can't find any better commenting system i might actually have to use *choke* IE to update my blog. =P

But now that i've actually got comments up, I feel much more inclined to long proper posts on this blog-under-retrofitting. =)

Yesterday was the most frelling stressful day in army for as long as i can remember. Not so much of the oh-no-i'm-screwed-i-just-lost-20-pagers kind of stress, but the kind of mental and emotional presssure cooker which just keeps pressing down on you until you go past your elastic limit into plastic deformation. =P

I don't know of any other place where you can go from running 5km in the morning to running to get that damned ID tag you left 4 storeys up which you need *NOW* to running outdated badly coded programmes on sucky slow computers to running after people to hunt down their signatures and pass them stuff to running down the corridor to try and finish up that errand faster so you can get out of camp before you waste too much of your civilian time... (I still booked out 40 min later than most ppl, but well.)

But work stress is nothing compared to emotional stress. Somewhere along the line i must've really cracked, coz when this other equally-stressed soul went from playing computer games to complaining about how he just got f*ed upside down by 4 superiors he didn't even know for someone else's mistake, to criticising how i did my work when i was scrambling around trying to find something that someone else had misplaced... i just lost it and shouted at the whole bunch of people in the office coz the thing i was looking for was just -there- and despite my repeated pleas for people to help look nobody cared. And then this person took it personally and shouted back ("fine you can do it yourself") even though it was as much his responsibility as mine... and i got really angry and him and told him "yes, good, now scram." in less polite words. Which is something coz i can't remember the last time i swore loudly at someone and actually meant it. :$

My problem is that I can't stay angry at someone for long enough for it to have any productive use. After a while i started feeling really bad at shouting at him and miserable and upset and still buried in work anyway. And so i finished up the work alone, and felt really crap coz i'm gonna be spending 4D3N outfield with him next week and if we got into some argument it'll be complete hell. But luckily he came back down the office after he was done showering and changing and packing... ("go pack, i'll finish up.") {insert sappy scene equivalent here} So good, we'll live to be stressed another day.

I really don't understand why i can't stay angry. My capacity for anger is probably rivalled only by my capacity for lima beans. It's quite a bad drawback coz it means i don't show my fangs as often as i should, so i tend to get the shorter end of the stick if i'm unable to wile my way out of things. I've never thought so much about power balances and control in life before i entered army. It's just so much a part of life now... But i guess this is the real world.

Happy birthday.